What’s with February 14? For lovers, it will be a day to celebrate love and commitment. For loveless, it’s a day to celebrate love with our friends and families. It’s a celebration for everybody. Who said that Valentine’s Day is only for lovers? But what does Feb 14 means to me? Feb 14 means sadness to me. On that day, I lost the most important man in my life. It was the most painful experience in my life. It was so painful. My father is gone forever and there’s no way I can see him and feel him. I can no longer spend time with him. We can never do things that we used to do. And I’m missing it so much, all the stuffs we used to do together. I miss him so much. My faith was put into test. I asked God, why? I wanted to blame Him but I can’t. He is the only strength I have aside from my family. And yes, God was there for me. He was my strength and will always be my strength.
While scanning few pages of my-so-called “diary”, I’ve read what I wrote on Feb 14. I wrote it on the day that my father died. On that very day that I thought he is still alive. It was Feb 18 when I found out that he is already dead. It was a selfish act. Everyone knew it except me. They kept it from me for a couple of days. I knew it while on my way to GenSan. While I’m on my way, there’s that bad feeling inside but I didn’t mind it because I don’t want things to happen that way. I want to see my father smiling at me when I arrived. I’m expecting him to be outside our house waiting for me to arrive just like what he normally does. But when I found out about it, nothing could compare to the pain. It hurts me so much.
As years went by, I’ve accepted the fact that Papang is forever gone. I still cry thinking of him. But there’s acceptance inside because I know that even if my father is already dead, it is the start of his eternal life with God. And time will come where we will be reunited with God forever.
Here’s what I wrote two years ago on Feb 14, 2007:
Lord, kanina they texted me that I should go home kasi si Papang. Lord ayuha si Papang please. Lord sana tagaan pa nimo siya og taas na life. Unta makita ko niya na mograduate, magkatrabaho and maging successful sa life. Lord I want him to be with us. Unta dili pa karon. I pray that withYour mercy and love, ayuhon nimo xa. With You, everything is possible. Tama si Leslie, I should lift everything to You.Kaw na bahala kay Papa Jun. And if it’s Your will na hangtud dri lang siya taman, wala mi mabuhat. Thy will be done. If kuhaon man nimo siya, forgive him for all his sins. Receive him in Your kingdom. I know he will be fine there. Ang akoa lang unta Lord sana not now. Tagai ko og chance na makapiling siya. I love him so much. Give me the chance to see him, to hug him and kiss him. Give me a chance to say I love you. Lord ayaw sa karon beh, please…Strengthen him Lord.
Through all these years, God is always with me. I can never do anything without Him. Lord, thank you for always being there. I am existing because of You and I am nothing without You. I lift up everything to You. Thy will be done.