Goodbye Ate Alms!!!

I don’t know what to feel right now…I found out that my dearest Ate Alma died. I have known her when I was in Third Year High School. I’ve met her in a forum. We both love Pops. We haven’t met personally yet she treats me as her little sister, her kidsis. That’s why my e-mail add is corrie_kidsis@yahoo.com. Corrie because she calls me corrie in the list and kidsis because I’m her kidsis.

Ate, I will never forget you. I told you before that someday I want to be like you. Even if you are gone, I will always look up to you. Thank you for the inspiration and the advices you’ve given to me. Thank you for being my Ate Alms.

Life is really unpredictable. We don’t know till when we are going to last here on Earth. Maybe there’s a place for us to meet personally--somewhere in the future. I really wanted to see you and be able to watch Pops’ concert together. I’ve been dreaming and wanting for that day to come. Why didn’t you wait for that day ate? I’m graduating soon and hopefully I would be able to find a job so I could buy a plane ticket so I could go to Manila and see you. I wish I have plenty of money then. I could have said thank you personally.

Wherever you are right now, I want to tell you this:

Thank you for the love and care you’ve shown me

Thank you for the advices and lessons you’ve shared to me

I’m so grateful that I’ve known someone like you

Thank you for the great company

Thank you for always being there for me

You were there watching me as I reach for my dreams

Giving me inspiration when life seems unfair

Please continue watching over me

Though you are gone physically

Your memories will always be remembered eternally.

I am so proud of you Ate Alms!

letting go...

The first time I saw you

I could feel my heart beats so

It feels like I've met the one

I want to spend my whole life through

Even if I just met you

It feels like I've known you a long time ago

I know it's wrong to love you

But I just can't help falling in love with you

We shared happy moments together

A night that will last forever

Thank you for making me happy

Thank you for always being there for me

Maybe it will take a while to forget you

But I will never forget the day that I met you

To forget you is the hardest thing to do

But I'll do it because I love you!

Feb 24, 2k9

Feb 24, 2k9 1:02AM

Had a great day…Spent the day with my closest buddies here in Iligan. I’m so glad that even if we are not boardmates anymore and even if we are far from each other, nothing has changed. Though we don’t see each other regularly, none of us forgets. I am so blessed to have you guys. I am so proud of what you have become. I am praying that God will continue to guide and bless you. As time goes by, I hope nothing would change to the friendship that we’ve built through thick and thin, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part (hehe…murag gikasal). Let me borrow a line from a song, I want to say that “the special times are the times I shared with you”. Wherever we go, whatever we do and whoever we will be, I will always treasure you for the rest of my life. I will always be here for you guys. I love you all!

Rans musta ang trip gaina? Sunod kay ihatod na jud ta ka sa airport…hehe… Ingats dra always! Unta magkita ta dira pohon. I-adopt sa ko ha if wala pa ko makita na work. Hinay-hinay lang pod sa work ha. Take some time to rest pod. Thank you kaau sa tanang libre. I love you Rans…

Krich, asa man ka oi? Wala jud ka niabot gaina…hehe… Unta next time kay naa na ka ha. Musta ang career dra? Don’t give up. Kaya nato ni. Aja!!!! Ingats dra Krich… Itext ko if mouli ka Gensan para magkita ta if naa ko didto. Wala pa ko kabalo asa ko ibutang sa Ginoo ani. Au2 Krich…Love ya!

My luvz, asa pod ka gaina? Hehe npod…hehe.. Busy sa skul ha…Yek ran a..Hapit njud ka mograduate… happy kaau ko para sa imoha but it makes me sad kay dili na ta magkita daun. Sig lang, dili nlng ta maghuna-huna ana para dili ta masad..Magkita-kita ra ta pohon. Basta keep in touch maski naa nka sa Norway or Korea ha or maski asa pa ka…I-update jud ko sa mga events sa imong life. God Bless sa career! Soon to bloom… I love you my luvz!

Keir, hmmp…gabyahe pka karon pa-davao…Ingats! God Bless sa imong journey…Murag tuloy2 njud na. Ayaw baya mi kalimti ha. I will miss you Keir. Ayaw pagdrama-drama didto. Be stong! If ma-miss mi nimo kay magchat rat a..hehe…Bahala hinay magload ang message sa YM sa fone.. I-update mi sa imong experiences didto. Feel njud kaau nako noh na molakaw nka… Mosunod lang mi s imoha Keir. Among fiancé visa ha…hahaha… Regards mi kay Krichi..pagpicture2 mo og maau.. I love you Keir!

Marjun, thank you sa time og sa libre. Nalingaw jud ko sa lakaw2 nato gaina.hehe… Padaun sa imong ginabuhat. I am so proud of you. Daghan ayo changes sa imoha which is good. You are a lot better than yesterday. Apas kay Rancy ha para magkita-kita ra ta didto. Take care always. God Bless you! Love you Marjun. I’m always here.

FEB 14!!!

What’s with February 14? For lovers, it will be a day to celebrate love and commitment. For loveless, it’s a day to celebrate love with our friends and families. It’s a celebration for everybody. Who said that Valentine’s Day is only for lovers? But what does Feb 14 means to me? Feb 14 means sadness to me. On that day, I lost the most important man in my life. It was the most painful experience in my life. It was so painful. My father is gone forever and there’s no way I can see him and feel him. I can no longer spend time with him. We can never do things that we used to do. And I’m missing it so much, all the stuffs we used to do together. I miss him so much. My faith was put into test. I asked God, why? I wanted to blame Him but I can’t. He is the only strength I have aside from my family. And yes, God was there for me. He was my strength and will always be my strength.

While scanning few pages of my-so-called “diary”, I’ve read what I wrote on Feb 14. I wrote it on the day that my father died. On that very day that I thought he is still alive. It was Feb 18 when I found out that he is already dead. It was a selfish act. Everyone knew it except me. They kept it from me for a couple of days. I knew it while on my way to GenSan. While I’m on my way, there’s that bad feeling inside but I didn’t mind it because I don’t want things to happen that way. I want to see my father smiling at me when I arrived. I’m expecting him to be outside our house waiting for me to arrive just like what he normally does. But when I found out about it, nothing could compare to the pain. It hurts me so much.

As years went by, I’ve accepted the fact that Papang is forever gone. I still cry thinking of him. But there’s acceptance inside because I know that even if my father is already dead, it is the start of his eternal life with God. And time will come where we will be reunited with God forever.

Here’s what I wrote two years ago on Feb 14, 2007:

Lord, kanina they texted me that I should go home kasi si Papang. Lord ayuha si Papang please. Lord sana tagaan pa nimo siya og taas na life. Unta makita ko niya na mograduate, magkatrabaho and maging successful sa life. Lord I want him to be with us. Unta dili pa karon. I pray that withYour mercy and love, ayuhon nimo xa. With You, everything is possible. Tama si Leslie, I should lift everything to You.Kaw na bahala kay Papa Jun. And if it’s Your will na hangtud dri lang siya taman, wala mi mabuhat. Thy will be done. If kuhaon man nimo siya, forgive him for all his sins. Receive him in Your kingdom. I know he will be fine there. Ang akoa lang unta Lord sana not now. Tagai ko og chance na makapiling siya. I love him so much. Give me the chance to see him, to hug him and kiss him. Give me a chance to say I love you. Lord ayaw sa karon beh, please…Strengthen him Lord.

Through all these years, God is always with me. I can never do anything without Him. Lord, thank you for always being there. I am existing because of You and I am nothing without You. I lift up everything to You. Thy will be done.

What I've Learned in Life

I've learned that.....

• It really takes time to heal a heart that’s been broken.
• It’s not easy to forgive the person you never thought would cause you pain.
• When you love, be open to the possibility that you might not end up together.
• Don’t expect too much.
• It is so easy to say that it’s okay if you’ll not end up together and that whatever happen you will always be there as a friend for that person, truth is, it’s very hard to let go.
• No matter how hard you protect yourself not to be hurt, it is impossible because when you love you are giving that person the right to hurt you.
• When you love, don’t give it to all. Leave something for yourself.
• Once trust has been broken, it’s so hard to trust again.
• Love yourself first before others could love you.
• Don’t fall in love with your friend because when you do, you’re taking risk of the friendship. And worse, it’s so hard to be friends again(@,@).
• Nothing lasts forever.
• It feels great to have friends who are always by your side.
• Nothing compares to the pain of losing the one who means most to me.
• It’s so hard to accept that things will never be the same again.
• It pains me thinking of my father. I wish he’s still here with us.
• When I’m hurt, I’m good at hiding the pain.
• I could still smile even if I’m hurting deep inside.
• I haven’t yet accepted the truth that he is really gone. I’m always missing you Papang and I’m trying to get you off from my mind so I’ll not feel the pain anymore and somehow it works but I just couldn’t help it, it pains me that you are gone forever.
• I love my family so much. I have so many dreams for them.
• God never leaves me and He is always at my side.
• I’m making my nights into days because of nonsense things.
• I could sleep for at most two hours.

No More Tears to Shed

When I heard about it
My heart wants to bleed
I looked for some place to hide
My heart’s really hurting deep inside
My last resort was to cry
But my tears have gone dry…

tsk..tsk...tsk...

Sometimes I asked God why He let me fall in love with the wrong one. Why did He let me fall for someone who would just hurt me? Why do we need to love if in the end it will just bring too much pain? If I could turn back the time, I wish I never crossed the path where I met him. He was really selfish. He only thinks of himself. If only I could turn back the time. If only I didn’t let him enter into my life, may be I wouldn’t be hurt this much. May be I could have saved myself. I could have saved my tears. I couldn’t see anymore the brighter side of it. I pity myself. Am I that worthless? Am I that useless? Why is it so easy for him to hurt me? It was so easy for him to tell me all those lies. I would sometimes ask if he came to a point in his life where he had a second thought of what might be the effect of what he was doing. He never thought of the pain he might cause me. I guess he never thinks. He never did.

Sometimes I asked myself, have I moved on? Have I forgiven him? I bet not yet, not now. May be in the future I’ll learn to forgive him. I hope so, I really hope so. Honestly, I wish our path would never cross again. I don’t want to see him again. I don’t want to text him. I made many attempts before not to text him but I’m always thinking of the friendship. I really wanted to save the friendship because that’s what I’m most afraid to lose if everything fails between us. I already lost him, will I allow that our friendship would also be lost? May be the answer is yes. It feels like I don’t want to be friends with him anymore. Before, I really wanted to hear his sorry. Would he be man enough to face me and tell me that he is so sorry? Well, if he’s not sorry I (wait… the song is Now and Forever…I treasured that song but not now anymore…dili na nuon ko ganahan ana na kanta because of him) can’t do nothing about it. If he is not sorry then I wouldn’t force him. Besides, I don’t want to see him anymore. Basta ako kay magpadayon sa life. Lord please take whatever pain left inside. Please take it all away. I pray that if you’re going to give me someone to love in the future, I hope he would love me more than I love him. And most of all, he would love You more than me.

Quote’s Collection:

* Some people are sweet at first, always has time for you at first, curious at first.

But why do some people change after you love them so much? Maybe all romantic moments only happen at first, and never last…. ‘=( sad naman ng life…

* In the end, three things matter- how much we loved, how gently we lived, and how we gracefully let go of things not meant for us… very true!

* I really hate endings… not because I’m left alone or I’m not loved anymore. I hate endings…because it makes me think of HOW and WHEN to start again.